The Toy Box

My areas of expertise in life are not terribly extensive. I can mentor people on the fine art of reheating one cup of coffee 14 times over the course of six hours, I have an impressive track record of birthing non-sleepers, I can wander Target for hours on roughly four hours of sleep without ever getting tired, I can eat chocolate while my children are mere inches away and they have NO IDEA, and I am a conservationist of sorts, saving tons of water over the course of my motherhood by rarely showering (you're welcome earth. And the people who have to live with me.)

One last area of knowledge I have to share with the Internet is the extensive research I've done regarding the best toys out there for kids. We are almost 7 years into this tiny human journey so I have plenty of confidence in these choices.

#1. Guy Guys and Pom poms

These two items have been a staple in our home for well over 6 years now. The "Guy Guys," as Emma affectionately named them as a toddler, were my husband's G.I. Joes growing up. They are unparalleled in the action figure world today and have seen many epic battles, heroic rescues, and this particular fellow, our Hugh Jackman look alike, is handy for any Les Miserables or Wolverine reenactments. We're very cultured people.

He can also fill in for a Backstreet Boys themed shadow box if needed.

The Pom Poms were originally just an excuse to go to Hobby Lobby, but rather than craft with these fluffy delights, we have instead scattered them over every square inch of the homes we have lived in. They have brought joy to each of our children, a challenge to our vacuum cleaner, and have nearly been banished from our home approximately 483 times. Nearly...

I can't quit you pom poms.

#2. Boxes

I'm fairly certain my mom and I keep Amazon Prime in business (you're welcome ecommerce). I have pinned multiple clever ideas on Pinterest about how to utilize my cardboard treasures (and my Costco boxes), but because my craft abilities don't extend beyond stickers and popsicle stick people, the boxes become exotic creations such as "life-like box shaped cars," "box shaped pirate ships," and "the box shaped reading nook."

#3. Markers

We originally bought these thinking they were a writing implement of some sort.

We were wrong.

"I'm a shepherd!"

"I'm orger-sizing them." (This kid has an insatiable love for messes, and an equally deep desire to "orger-size" everything. He also has a knack for fashionable eyewear choices).

Claire can't care about orgersizing.

#4. Big hats.

"It's funny because it's bigger than a normal hat." - fake Burt Reynolds.

#5. Tiny spiders/spiderwebs

Normally I am not a huge fan of nature inside my house. I have kept a bamboo and a money tree plant from IKEA alive for about as long as I've been parenting, and one time last summer a bird flew into our house and we all appropriately FREAKED OUT as my husband ushered it toward the front door wearing goggles and gloves (safety first), and we seem to have rid ourselves of our mice friends, but I normally try to keep the creepy crawling creatures at bay.

I will however make an exception for very tiny spiders that seem unlikely to jump onto me or eat one of my children.

Hours. Of. Fun.

#6. Snails

If they don't have a shell we cannot love them, but if they do, then we will decorate our rain jackets with them, creatively arrange them on a piece of plywood and attempt to feed them cucumbers and carrots like the Internet tells us to.

This is how we compensate for not having any pets.

#6. A giant rock.

The next time you buy a house, buy one with a giant rock, one big enough to be dangerous if they fall off of it, and almost big enough to hold all of your snail friends.

#7. A large indoor slide.

Because I am a homebody, my decor is comprised of elegance, glamour, and all things ~~Anthropologie~~ Target. And an oversized slide and trampoline because these things scream "classy," and it rains approximately 361 days a year here so I need my house to feel as close to a park/jumpy place as possible. Minus the communicable diseases hiding in the foam pit.

Honorable Toy Mentions.

-Cupcake liners
-Paper plates
-Toilet Paper Rolls
-Band aids (functional and a fun conversation starter with strangers when taking your kids out in public).