Through it all, through it all, it is well

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I had so many clever baby announcements pinned to my secret "Baby #3" Pinterest board consisting of cute kids holding chalkboard signs announcing the impending arrival of a new sibling.  I'd downloaded baby name apps, deciding on some favorites and pairing them with middle names, making sure the initials wouldn't spell anything unfortunate..

 All of this because a week ago tomorrow I took a little test that told me what I'd been highly suspecting (and hoping) for the week prior.  I had the perfect Pinterest-inspired way to tell my husband and an adorable announcement for close family and friends featuring my current tiny humans and, of course, a chalkboard.

 So much excitement, anticipation, gratefulness, planning, dreaming and smiling was unfortunately replaced with tears and a fair amount of physical pain over the last two days as I had to say goodbye far too soon to the teeny tiny one who had already captured my heart.

 I unfortunately know far more women who have had miscarriages than who have not.  It's a group I have always had a tremendous amount of respect and compassion for, but selfishly hoped to never join.  Well, here I am.

I have countless things to be thankful for in this situation.  I was not far along at all.  I have two beautiful, healthy tiny ones who are doing their best to deal with an emotional mama this weekend.  I have a wonderful support system all around with family and friends.  And ultimately, though there is a deep grief, the underlying peace and hope runs deeper because of Jesus.  I don't feel like I have to hide my frustration, sadness or anger from Him.  It doesn't diminish who He is or that He is still good.

It's easy to want to shut off the emotions or compare our personal situations to other things in the world that could be far worse, but I am simply attempting to let it all come as it will, in waves of physical and emotional pain, waves of peace, grief, overwhelm, and ultimately hope.  I of course hope that this season would be a quick one, overshadowed soon with news of a healthy pregnancy.  But regardless, I want to find contentment and trust not in the circumstances surrounding current and future seasons, but in the one who walks through them with me.  And it may involve a moment to moment reinstatement of that trust when fear and despair attempt to creep in.  I have to speak truth over myself, not to negate the raw emotions, but to remind my heart where my hope is truly found.

 I was supposed to sing this song this morning at church but laid low today instead.  It's a good one for whatever season you might be in.

 It Is Well

 Verse 1
Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

Chorus
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Verse 2
Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can’t seeAnd this mountain that’s in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Bridge
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name 

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul

Comments

Unknown said…
So sorry sweet friend. My heart is heavy for you and your man. When you feel up to it listen to "Angel Baby" by Christy Knockles- it was such a gift to me. Your blog was a perfect expression of hope in the midst. Love to you��
May 31, 2015 at 9:54 PM
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